Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Going Insane

After Insanity workout
Participating in a 5k mud run has been on my things to do list for a while now. So when my cousin contacted me to let me know that there would be one close by and that she and a couple of her friends would be running in it and ask me if I would like to join them, I jumped at the chance. Now, I am not a runner, I never have been, but mud runs are pretty much for any fitness level and they are supposed to be a lot fun. I consider myself somewhat physically fit, but the past couple of months I have really slacked off and gotten lazy. My cousin has been going to the gym and running at least 3 miles when she goes. With a little more than a month to go before the mud run, I guess it was time for me to step it up and get my ass in gear. Last night I was totally stoked thinking about it and feeling like a total bad ass. So I decided to skip the light stuff and jump right into Insanity Plyometric Cardio. Reminder, I have been lazy for several months, so it is like starting over. I started the workout good, nice pace, broke a little sweat...awesome...glad that two minutes had passed. 5 minutes in...a lot of cussing, a lot of sweating, a lot of water chugging. 9 minutes, warm-up is over, THANK.YOU.JESUS! Then I move on to the actual workout.

Round 1. Suicide Drills, Power Squats (dear Lord, how many people have farted doing this move?), Mountain Climbers, and Ski Downs. Oh, did I mention there are 3 sets each of these? There is a 30 second break between each set, just long enough to crawl over to my water, knock it over on the floor and lap it up, peel myself off the floor, gasp for air a couple of times and get ready for the next set.

In between Round 1 and Round 2, there are two extra moves. Switch feet, a move in which you move your legs and arms back and forth like your on one of those ski machines. At this point, I am just trying to concentrate and not pee myself. Next is the Wide Football Sprints. I think this move is thrown in for pure humiliation. If standing in a semi squat, legs wide in football stance sprinting with your ass fat jiggling doesn’t motivate you enough to want to get in shape, then there is no hope for you. Go grab a bag of chips and a box of Ding Dongs and sit your ass down on the couch, your done.

Round 2. Basketball drills, Level I drills (jump up, go down to plank, do 4 push-ups and then while still in plank position do a mountain climber and then repeat), Ski Abs (abs are screaming, repeating the “F” word A LOT) and In-and-Out Abs (abs AND thighs are now burning and at this point all you want to do is lay down and DIE!). Again, 3 sets of each. Delirium and hallucinations set in and at one point I do believe I saw Jim Morrison. 33 minutes into the workout, when sweat (or it may have been blood coming from my eyeballs, I'm not sure) is running down my face and body and pooling in the floor in front of me, the music changed. Last set of round 2 and then it’s on to some Jabs, Cross Jacks, Upper Cuts and Attack moves for the grand finale. You know that part in the Rocky movie when Rocky is running through the streets and everyone is cheering him on and he runs up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and he gets to the top and everyone is cheering and he looks like he is about to cry? Well, that’s pretty much how the last round of Insanity Plyo goes. I’m running off pure adrenaline now. The urge to puke and pass out has left and I am now crying. I wanted to yell out “ADRIAN!” because I'm feeling awesome and Insanity is one mutha of a workout.

I think I know why the workout is called Insanity. I’m pretty sure delirium, although you are unaware of it at the time, stays with you for at least an hour after the workout causing you to commit random acts of ridiculousness that you would otherwise not normally do, like for instance, running. Thinking that I was feeling quite athletic and awesome after my workout, I leashed up The Sophers and decided to go for a run. Half way through, I do believe sanity kicked in because I had a moment when I thought, “WHAT the HELL was I THINKing?” It was more like a run/walk, but I made it 1.3 miles. Completely exhausted. Bed by 9:30.

This morning I was reminded of all the muscles I had forgotten I had. Abs, calves, shoulders, booty...yup, the muscles are all still there, screaming loud and clear. Do it again tonight? HELL YEAH!!        


  1. That sounds pretty insane just hearing it described! I'm exhausted already and never even tried it.

  2. There is no way on earth I'm ever going to do this without a gun to my head. You are a better woman than me!