Thursday, January 17, 2013

Taste Like Chicken

Have you ever pissed a vegetarian off? I have. It’s not cool. Last night I made some white rice and not thinking about it, I threw in a chicken bullion cube. The rice was AWESOME! Jules, my vegetarian teenager, grabbed a plate full and was eating it and then asked me, “How do you get your rice to taste so good? Mine never turns out like this.” Oh, shit! It hit me and I almost choked on the mouthful I was eating. Not knowing how to answer, I shrugged off the question. I felt horrible! She finished eating and then went in the other room. I turned to Jack and mumbled, “Oh shit, the rice had chicken bullion in it. I may have poisoned Jules” He laughed.

Here’s how I broke the news to her.

Me: Jules, I have some bad news. The rice you ate had chicken bullion in it. {her mouth drops open} But the good news is, there’s probably not even a trace of real chicken in it.

Jules: {hard, aggravated sigh} What do you mean?

Me: Well, you know when people say that something taste like chicken? For example, “Eat some of this rattlesnake, it taste like chicken.”, but it’s not chicken at all? Well, that’s what I mean. The bullion is probably not even real chicken at all. It’s probably just something chemically processed in a factory somewhere made to just taste like chicken.Get it?

Jules: {long pause accompanied by an extremely pissed off look} How do I make myself throw up?

Me: Here, do you wanna use my finger?

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